February 10, 2007
Time and again I purge for you, my lonely wind (Personal Life)
It's kinda funny. Last time this happened there was no end to the things I wanted to say. The justifications, responses, small jabs or other strings of words that would spew forth from my lips, directly to those involved, to friends who might provide some semblance of comfort or sympathy, or just into the ether through posts here thinking that maybe just maybe someone would be reading and might find that which came out amusing at the least, or interesting and identifying at best.
This time, I find myself at a loss for words most of the time. I sit here wondering if things aren't better off, partly due to information gleaned from others, partly due to my own experiences, and the strong desire to seal myself and my emotional dribble away in the darkest, deepest location that I can possibly find.
Unable to relate even to myself things seem to be slipping away. The other night I watched most of a movie about a guy who couldn't separate dream from reality. It was the most I've identified with anything recently, and only because I feel that road creeping up on me. These days my dreams are filled with things from my life, not the random insanity of the past, and the random insanity of my dreams seeps ever more into the reality that I am taking part in.
Really I just want someone to snuggle with, but I attach to much importance to that role to let just anyone slip into it for an evening, or even a few evenings. Not that the opportunity has really presented itself, but that is mostly my own doing.
The rattlings in my brain tell me to sleep now, and not to post this, recognizing that these words mean nothing and tell nothing, but simply are a disconnected set of thoughts coming out of an exhausted and influenced mind. The mind is a terrible thing to waste, but what good is keeping something that is unappreciated by most, and at best appreciated by those in no position to reciprocate?
Ice on the river cracks and shifts each time I poke my head outside. The destructive sound soothing in ways unexplainable.
Bolo says "Achoo!"
Posted by ehunt at February 10, 2007 11:30 PMTrackBack URL for this entry: http://movabletype.mindflight.org/mt-tb.cgi/505.
*hug* I may not be there in person, but you know I'm there in spirit. Give me a holler whenever if you do feel like rambling.
Posted by: Nabil at February 11, 2007 1:00 AM